Lately, I'm struggling to find something.

Well, that's ambiguous. 

Can I start over? Sure, it's my blog.  We're going with it.  Who is we?

OH my gosh. If I really write even half of what is going through my mind, this is going to be a shit show.  Also, I originally started this blog with 'Well, that's ambiguous as hell," but I don't really understand where 'as hell' comes from as a comparator.  And I don't think that is the right use of the word comparator, but it sounds right and I like it.

P.S. I just 'googled' shit show and laughed right out loud. Also, when I'm honest with myself and not trying to filter so much, I do use cuss words - in my head and in real life - and sometimes those words just plain fit the bill.  They cut the mustard.

P.P.S. Now I 'googled' cut the mustard because I want to know where that phrase came from.

I digress. Naturally. Do any of you often have 427 open tabs on your computer browser because you start reading one article and have to look something up, which leads to you another article you want to read and reminds you to add something to your Amazon cart and suddenly you realize you're watching puppy videos and you're late for (whatever is supposedly more important than puppy videos) and have now successfully distracted yourself from whichever task you were ardently attempting to complete an hour and a half ago?

Me neither. 👀

Have any of you read, 'Furiously Happy' by Jenny Lawson?  I laughed so hard out loud reading that book and was recommending it to others before I even completed reading it. I felt a kinship with The Bloggess through her writing style and some of her experiences.  I have to say 'some' of her experiences because, thank you dear God, I have never been sent dead animals in the mail.  Hallelujah, #amiright? Praise Jesus.

And when I say, 'Praise Jesus', I say - er, type, and say in my head - with complete sincerity.  I am thankful to my Lord and Savior that I have never been sent animals in the mail, dead or alive.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah.  I'm struggling to find something. Though the more I consider what it may be, and listen to/watch coaching videos (enter: Allegra Stein, who may or may not know she is now a role model of mine) and chat with people who support and encourage me to balance contentment with experimentation and growth, the more I realize how much I stifle and stymie my own creativity with fear and expectation.

Whoa. Okay, so when I sat down to write this morning, I had no idea what to write about because - guess what? What I am put on the spot, or put myself on the spot, my creativity says, "PEACE OUT." and I'm left with thoughts and feelings of fear, inadequacy, shame (yep), and the list goes on but I don't want to feel depressed because I'm writing about feelings of feeling 'less than'.

So I decided to take some action this week (thanks for the encouragement, Allegra!) and brought some of this up in conversation with friends during 1:1 hangout time.  One of my friends is also a coworker and a wellness coach asked me what my action items were based on our conversation. I said I was going to 1) practice my new brush stroke pens and 2) write something. Anything.

Uh-oh.  Now I have accountability (which I need when it comes to the scary-exciting stuff that will push my out of my creative rut) and I am going to decide whether to start a whole new blog space or if I am going to pivot the current platform to be a space that can house and hold my philosophical and academic wisdom, share travel and engaging experiences, and be strong enough to hold my morning ramblings and less filtered spoutings.

1) Here's the practice - imperfect, yet done.

Here we go...this blog is taking a turn it from which it may never recover . . . in other words, here is a pivot point.  As my awesome friend-coworker-coach says, press publish.  Oh dear.

Hey, folks.  Wellness coaches are real people.  We have a lot going on in our heads, too.  Time to calm the chitter-chatter.  Or at least get some of it out to make space for creativity and growth.

2) publish.

#wellnesscoach #presspublish #writersblock #creativity #accountability

Do Art

Thanks to my extra-special friends C.O. and K.S., my apartment was an explosion of creativity, colors, positive energy, and therapeutic reprieve last night!  I actually started painting about an hour before they arrived and ended up watching the two of them create their masterpieces while we chatted about life and our funny indiosyncracies (related to creativity or otherwise).  I'm so thankful to have these gals in my life; as well, I am thankful for at least some sort of creative "juices" and being able to play with colors in various mediums (I also have a couple of coloring books and colored pencils here in Florida. . .back in Minnesota, I have crayons and markers and paper and scrapbooking stuff and who knows what else.  Seriously.  Who knows?  Not me.  I have waaaay too much stuff.)  But, per usual, I digress.  I wanted to put up a picture and a quick note about how important it is to have people in your life that can "play" with you and be creative and encourage your own creativity.  Such an important stress reliever.  It does not have to be painting, or drawing, or even conventional "art" - it can be someone who enjoys the same music as you, or sculpture walks, or going to poetry readings: All of these are forms of art and expression.  And remember to not only listen/observe, but to create, as well!

On to exercise!  When did I last post?  Whenever that *dreaded* dress situation was.  Blech.  Dumb.  Why should it be dreaded?  I am not a skinny minny, and my body changes.  I'm not obese, I'm still active, I eat healthy foods . . . I'm knowingly struggling with restful sleep at night, as well as indulging in nummy foods with friends.  I need to get a grip on the "nighttime noshing" - that is the most dangerous for me.  When I am feeling lonely or anxious, I snack on anything and everything; even too many calories from otherwise-nutritious-food adds up to extra calories in the end.  >>The art outlet last night was great for therapy!  Afterward, I ate an apple with peanut-only-peanut butter (because I was actually hungry) and read my book and went to bed!  No noshing!  Yay!  I did attempt to start my food log again, but I find that just the idea of needing to write things down helps me to curb the excessive snacking.

Okeeeee, so the exercise.  Saturday at work I volunteered to do all of the "physical tasks", no matter how little, so that I could get some extra movement in.  Sunday, I jumped in the pool mid-morning and moved around a bit, but it wasn't anything close to a workout.  Just some stretching and stuff. I had good intentions of working out both at LivingWell and/or after, but I ended up working on other stuff at work and I got sucked into painting last night!  Today was a new day :)  Woke up at 5:30am and went to LW to help guide the morning exercise group.  I did a 10-minute elliptical warmup and then participated in all of the upper-body weight lifting that they completed, as well as did a few BOSU balance exercises and some core work on an exercise ball.  Walked the dog when I got home (only about 10-minutes of actual walking for me because I let her romp around in the dewy grass in the big open lot across from my apartment - she LOVES rolling around and scratching her back in the grass!) 

Side note: reading two good books right now (aside from required and supplemental reading for classes) . . . An Altar in the World, and Walking Wisdom.  Right now, all I can say is, "WOW."  To both.  >>P.S. I brought my book to the gym today to read on the elliptical.  I know several people that read on the exercise machines at the gym -- perhaps a little extra incentive to get your butt to a gym (if you belong to one) or even to use home equipment: One of my friends has a rule that she can only read one of her "fun" books when she is working out.  That way, she gets to enjoy her time while being physically active, and it encourages her to go to the gym because she LOOOVES to read!<<  Not everyone likes the gym or is able to read on the equipment; I understand.  The point is to make your activity enjoyable :)  In An Altar in the World, the author talks about how she views "domestic chores" as a way to glorify God.  What an awesome perspective.

Happy active day :)  Eat a fruit and vegetable today!  Try something new at the Farmer's Market!  <--Get your snacks from the Farmer's Market (a good tip, since most of the items are fresh, local, and sometimes organic fruits and veggies!)