Can I start over? Sure, it's my blog. We're going with it. Who is we?
OH my gosh. If I really write even half of what is going through my mind, this is going to be a shit show. Also, I originally started this blog with 'Well, that's ambiguous as hell," but I don't really understand where 'as hell' comes from as a comparator. And I don't think that is the right use of the word comparator, but it sounds right and I like it.
P.S. I just 'googled' shit show and laughed right out loud. Also, when I'm honest with myself and not trying to filter so much, I do use cuss words - in my head and in real life - and sometimes those words just plain fit the bill. They cut the mustard.
P.P.S. Now I 'googled' cut the mustard because I want to know where that phrase came from.
I digress. Naturally. Do any of you often have 427 open tabs on your computer browser because you start reading one article and have to look something up, which leads to you another article you want to read and reminds you to add something to your Amazon cart and suddenly you realize you're watching puppy videos and you're late for (whatever is supposedly more important than puppy videos) and have now successfully distracted yourself from whichever task you were ardently attempting to complete an hour and a half ago?
Me neither. 👀
Have any of you read, 'Furiously Happy' by Jenny Lawson? I laughed so hard out loud reading that book and was recommending it to others before I even completed reading it. I felt a kinship with The Bloggess through her writing style and some of her experiences. I have to say 'some' of her experiences because, thank you dear God, I have never been sent dead animals in the mail. Hallelujah, #amiright? Praise Jesus.
And when I say, 'Praise Jesus', I say - er, type, and say in my head - with complete sincerity. I am thankful to my Lord and Savior that I have never been sent animals in the mail, dead or alive.
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. I'm struggling to find something. Though the more I consider what it may be, and listen to/watch coaching videos (enter: Allegra Stein, who may or may not know she is now a role model of mine) and chat with people who support and encourage me to balance contentment with experimentation and growth, the more I realize how much I stifle and stymie my own creativity with fear and expectation.
Whoa. Okay, so when I sat down to write this morning, I had no idea what to write about because - guess what? What I am put on the spot, or put myself on the spot, my creativity says, "PEACE OUT." and I'm left with thoughts and feelings of fear, inadequacy, shame (yep), and the list goes on but I don't want to feel depressed because I'm writing about feelings of feeling 'less than'.
So I decided to take some action this week (thanks for the encouragement, Allegra!) and brought some of this up in conversation with friends during 1:1 hangout time. One of my friends is also a coworker and a wellness coach asked me what my action items were based on our conversation. I said I was going to 1) practice my new brush stroke pens and 2) write something. Anything.
Uh-oh. Now I have accountability (which I need when it comes to the scary-exciting stuff that will push my out of my creative rut) and I am going to decide whether to start a whole new blog space or if I am going to pivot the current platform to be a space that can house and hold my philosophical and academic wisdom, share travel and engaging experiences, and be strong enough to hold my morning ramblings and less filtered spoutings.
1) Here's the practice - imperfect, yet done.
Here we go...this blog is taking a turn it from which it may never recover . . . in other words, here is a pivot point. As my awesome friend-coworker-coach says, press publish. Oh dear.
Hey, folks. Wellness coaches are real people. We have a lot going on in our heads, too. Time to calm the chitter-chatter. Or at least get some of it out to make space for creativity and growth.
2) publish.
#wellnesscoach #presspublish #writersblock #creativity #accountability
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