FRUSTRATED, much?!

DANGIT!

You have no idea that I actually had those little symbol thingies %*&!#$ in the "post title", erased, re-wrote them, deleted, and re-re-wrote them.  I think about dumb stuff like that a lot.  Too much.  And then they didn't even work! %*&!#$!!!!!!!

Today came after a really strange and crappy yesterday.  And don't mock me by saying that today always comes after yesterday, or yesterday wouldn't be yesterday.  I KNOW.  I'm having ISSUES!  Yesterday was another crapshoot to get out of bed and get going in the morning, followed by not just one but two attempts at my life by individuals on 2-wheeled vehicles, a mess-up at the Stadium for football tickets, a reprimand from my immediate supervisor for something that was *none of my concern*, felt too cruddy to visit with a friend in the evening, and ended up being awake until 3:30am.  3:30!!  Just sitting at the computer, typing letters to my health insurance company and the President of the United States.  No big deal.  Oh, and watching The Tudors on Netflix.  Crazy, delusional pseudo-insomnia.

TODAY.  Started off a bit better than yesterday, although sleeping in meant a) missing morning workout and b) not really getting extra sleep because I stayed up all damn night.  But, I woke up and got to work and it was okay.  Came home and had a delicious salad (mixed greens, cauliflower, avacado, sunflower seeds, garbonzo beans *yummy*, and of course, dressing--I've been using olive oil + vinegar  Newman's Own.)  *Oh, by the way, I ate McDonalds yesterday.  Embarrassing.  I wanted it and kept thinking about it and got it.  And felt SUPER guilty after.* BACK TO TODAY quit being so distractable!  I decided today to try on the dress that I will be wearing for my brother and sister-in-law(to be)'s wedding in October.  I had this overwhelming craving for chicken and fries.  And they weren't even very good.  Stupid.  See?  Even health educators and personal trainers succomb to pressures and lack will-power!  THE DRESS.  Tangent, much?  While talking to my mom on the phone, I wieldly maneuvered myself into the dress and started attempting to zi...iipp...fat gal in a dress-too-smaaaaalll >>Tommy Boy shoutout<<.  Dangit!  Okay.  So, at this point, I am laughing and swearing and wanting a cheeseburger and wanting to go for a run all at the same time.  Do I try some diet modification and continue increasing my workout routine?  (Yes).  Do I want to? (Sort of).  Maybe I can go back in and get a dress in a size bigger?  (Yes, please!)  Problem with size bigger is that my mental health will suffer.  Win with size bigger is that I don't need to stress about getting enough exercise and not indulging in fun foods.  Problem with size bigger is needing to go to the store (hassle) and see if they have a bigger size (embarrassing).  Win with size bigger - well, maybe just a neutral - is that the dress I have is a size "smaller" than I 'was', anyway, because it's an A-line, so it's really 'okay' to get a size bigger (riight).  Problem with size bigger is that I will have to figure out a way to keep the top from falling off my boobless chest.  Hmm.

So.  After taking off the dress, hollering a couple of explicits, and laughing, I put on my socks and shoes, rounded up the dog and roommate, and we went for a 45 minute walk.  BTN (better than nothing).  My hips really started to hurt around the 25-30 minute mark, but we weren't going fast, so we kept the pace.  *Mom suggested that I try Watkins Linimax for the pain that I have.  I think I'm going to give it a try.  More on supplements another time - I gotta get this posted "today" (I know - obsess, much?!)

Meanwhile, this evening, I skyped with my sis.  We laughed, grumbled, and commiserated.  I'm not sure what I am going to do about the dress, at this point.  I do know that I need to get my behind to bed and I need to keep moving.  KEEP MOVING!  Couple of really good thoughts from the sis: "Remember, the pain [I have] does not necessarily mean that something is wrong (ie. broken); movement and low impact activity is good," and, "What are you going to do to remedy this [binge eating/crummy food sneaking into diet]?"

Good NIGHT.  :)  Hope you rest well.  I hope I do, too.  Felt good to walk.  Why don't I feel the good effects of the walk PRIOR to walking, or at least some of them, to encourage me to walk?  Hmm.